


The Past is Never Forgotten, Not completely.

by Kelady



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-18 09:58:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5924143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelady/pseuds/Kelady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony flinched. Tony flinched and Steve noticed. It wasn’t the first time Steve noticed either. At first Steve thought it was just when Tony was immersed in his work. Not paying attention. But then it happened when they were talking and Clint sneaked up behind Tony to tickle him. He flinched but before he could say anything Tony rolled his eyes and said some colorful nicknames. And the more he looked the more he noticed. No, it didn’t happen often. But Steve started to notice when it did. He never asked and Tony never told him. Not until it mattered, anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Past is Never Forgotten, Not completely.

**Author's Note:**

> just a simple 2-shot

Tony flinched. Tony flinched and Steve noticed. It wasn’t the first time Steve noticed either. At first Steve thought it was just when Tony was immersed in his work. Not paying attention. But then it happened when they were talking and Clint sneaked up behind Tony to tickle him. He flinched but before he could say anything Tony rolled his eyes and said some colorful nicknames. And the more he looked the more he noticed. No, it didn’t happen often. But Steve started to notice when it did. He never asked and Tony never told him. Not until it mattered, anyway.

 

Let’s start from the beginning. Tony likes Steve… and Tony will never say this, but Steve is the closest thing he’s had to a friend and the Avengers are the closest family he’s got. He plays it off, because he doesn’t want it to be seen as a big deal, but to Tony it is.

But even before that, after New York, Tony invited everyone into his home. The first thing Steve did was apologize for Steve said to Tony on the helicarrier. Tony nodded and accepted like it was no big deal. Because it wasn’t. Not to Tony anyway. He’s been called worse and he’s been treated much, much worse. So when Cap said he wasn’t the hero. Well, he already knew that. It didn’t hurt so much. but what made it sting a little more was who it was from. Captain America.

Growing up Tony always begged for his dad to find him. Maybe it would make him stop. That Captain America would save him. It was his childhood dream. His father on his drunken nights would tell him how great he was, of course it turned into how shitty Tony is. But he believed everything Howard told him. He praised him. He always said how good he was. But when he was 12 he threw away his captain America toy, bedsheets and hopes of him saving him. No one was coming. And he was stuck.

When they found Captain America to say he was angry was an understatement. He wasn’t angry at Steve exactly, but he just… took it out on him in small jabs. Like capsicle. He didn’t want to be mean. He just… it was his defense mechanism from his childhood. Well at least his dad was dead.

To make matters worse, he was as great as his dad told him. Which made him hate him even more. But when it came down to it, he saved everyone, but Captain America was the hero once again.

Tony was okay with that. He never wanted to be a “hero”. He was considered an Avenger but with his past no one actually believes he could change. But that’s fine with Tony. He doesn’t really care anyway.

To say he has resentment towards him is… fair. It’s not personal. Steve’s a great guy and a definite hero. It’s all because of his father. Which what we need to get back to.

He tries not to. It’s been 30 years. He doesn’t flinch often, but he knows he does. People don’t notice people never notice. He’s so quick to recover they don’t even realize it happened. And Tony’s good with that. Even if he knows them, likes them and to go too far to say he loves them, it doesn’t matter. Just instinct. But tony really doesn’t care.

Steve on the other hand…

Let’s start from the beginning with Steve… well not the full beginning once he got off the ice.

He had this view of tony. Howards son. He should’ve been great. Of course, Steve at first meet doesn’t think so  because he remembers howard and expects the same from Tony. Which Steve regrets after The battle of New York. He apologizes after but he doesn’t seem to care. Maybe he’s very forgiving… or maybe he really doesn’t care. Or maybe Tony doesn’t even like Steve. He was kinda rude and he never apologized. Of course Tony only called a few not so nice names never telling him what a crappy person he is when he's barely known the guy. Whatever the case, Steve keeps trying to make it up to him In small insignificant ways.

Like bringing him food to the lab when Jarvis says he hasn’t eaten.

Or making his favorite meal… which he never eats making Steve a little hurt… (But Steve doesn’t know the full story.)

Or washing his clothes, but Tony doesn’t even realize. (at least that’s what he thinks. )But that’s okay because Steve does it and that’s what matters.

But the time he noticed the flinching is when he didn’t hear the lab door open or him because AC/DC is blasting. He taps him on the shoulder and he flinches, but recovers so fast he doesn’t think twice.

Till the Clint incident. It was really sneaking up on him so it could just be when he doesn’t heart. Without really making a consciousness decision he starts watching Tony. Seeing when he does. Not so much on purpose, but he seems to notice it more. He doesn’t ask. Tony doesn’t tell him. He probably doesn’t even know Steve knows.

Not until the incident.

Tony’s walking into the kitchen to get  some coffee when Thor and Clint are argueing. Not loud or anything, over something stupid really. Everyone is kinda there amused. He doesn’t even pay attention to it, like no one really pay attention to him. Until he hears Thors booming voice.

“You are wrong!” And its shout. Tony flinches. And he would have dropped his coffee had it been done yet. He freezes. And it takes him a good 7 seconds to recover. No one even noticed it happened. But Steve. Tony takes a few relaxing breaths and he hears his coffee be done. Not even noticing the stare down Steve is giving him. He grabs his coffee and makes a beeline for the elevator. He really needs a coffee maker. But a voice stops him.

“Tony?” Steve asks

“Hmm?” Tony asks like hes not interested.

“Are you alright?” Steve asks his head tiltiing

“Fine. Why?” Tony shrugs

“Back in there… I saw that.” Tony freezes “And… no one else seems to notice how often you do it. So I want to talk to you. Make sure you’re okay.” Tonys grin comes back into place.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. But its’ good to know someone cares.” He falters at someone. He meant to say you. he turns and heads for the elevator hoping Jarvis was smart enough to get it for him. But he stands awkwardly before he hears Steve speak

“I do care, you know. We all do… but if you want to talk. You know where to find me.” Once he thinks Steve is gone shakes his head

“Like I would want to tell me problems to the only perfect person on the planet.”

“I’m not perfect.” He flinches again and then curse himself.

“Of course you are. That’s what _he_ always said. And knowing you… he’s right.” Tony says more to himself nearly forgetting he was talking to Steve.

“He?” Tony shakes his head and turns around

“Don’t worry about it, Cap. I’ve gotten it all figured out.” What is taking the elevator?

“Gotten what figured out Tony?” Steve genuinely asks Tony taps his foot.

“oh… just my life I guess. My value, my worth.” Tony shrugs. “It doesn’t bother me. Not like it used too.”

“And what exactly do you think your worth is?” Steve asks taking a step closer

“Just… expendable?” he more asks not really sure anymore.

“What?” Steve breaths “You’re not expendable!” Tony doesn’t flinch. He’s close though

“Steve, it’s okay. You don’t need to lie to protect me feelings. No one’s ever done it and don’t want people to start.” Tony looks away

“You’re not expendable, Tony. We like you, we care about you. We’d _miss_ you.” Steve emphasis.

“Thanks.” Tony shrugs. He doesn’t believe it for a second but maybe this will get him off his back. Where is the damn elevator?

“I mean it Tony. I care about you.” he meant to say we. “Who told you you’re expendable?”

“That’s a road you do not want to go down.” Tony shakes his head “Where’s the elevator?” No response

“Tony, talk to me I care about you.” Tony actually starts laughing

“That’s the most twisted thing in my life. You actually care about me.” He wipes his tear “How ironic.”

“I don’t understand.” Steve says confused

“No, I guess you don’t.” Tony shrugs offering no answer

“Tell me then. Help me understand.” Steve is practically begging now.

“You actually care don’t you?” Tony realizes bewildiered.

“Yes Tony I do.”

“You won’t after I tell you.” Tony warns.

“I’ll take my chances.” Tony sighs

“Fine.” The elevator door opens “JARVIS!” he realizes “Do that again and I will take you apart.”

“I believe the words you are looking for are thank you.” the britsh accent responds and Steve holds back a laugh

“Where to, Sir?”

“I think you already know the answer to that.”

“Of Course, Sir.”

“Where are we going Tony?” Steve asks as they start moving

“My room. I’m going to show you a few things.” If not for the seriousness of the situation Tony would’ve added a wink but he thought better of it.

Once they get there Tony goes rififling through his strangly organized closet. He pulls out a box and sat on the bed next to Steve

“Howard never got over losing you. he searched for you up until the day he died. You were his best creation. Talked about you all the time. Mostly when he was drunk.” Steve eyes furrow. “Yeah, he was a drunk. Always told me how great you were. How perfect. How I should be more like you.” Tony says it casuslaly but he can hear the slight bitterness in his tone. “he was right about that, but that’s not why…”  I Flinch. “He wasn’t just a drunk.” Tony says sighing

“He didn’t…” tony shrugs.

“He missed you and I was never good enough.”

“He hit you? because… because of me!” he says horrified.

“Don’t be stupid of course it wasn’t you.” Tony rolls his eyes. “He hated me, because I wasn’t as great as you. Maybe I was smarter- no offense- but none of that mattered to him. He just missed you.” tony chokes a laugh “I wanted you to save me.” He shakes his head.

“Tony… I’m so-“

“Don’t you dare say sorry, it was not your fault and I don’t blame you. Yeah I was a little bit of ass to you, but can you blame me?” He opens the box and pulls out a picture. It’s of Steve Howard and Peggy during the war. “I didn’t know if I should give this to you. I wanted to burn it, but I didn’t know if I should.”

“Burn it.” Steve says and Tony shrugs putting it back. He pulls out another picture. This one is of him at age 4. He’s holding a circuit board he built looking so proud.

“Howard threw it on the ground and broke it right after Jarvis took the picture.”

“Oh my god.” He puts it back. He pull out a picture of a beaten looking tony at age 8. Steve looks horrified.

“Jarvis said I had to take one every time just in case the police didn’t get paid off.”

“Paid off?”

“Why do you think he never had any charges on child abuse?”

“I…” Tony shrugs he pulls out a famous picture of Captain America.

“I wasn’t supposed to have this picture. I stole it. I nearly threw it out when I was 12.”

“Why?” Steve asks

“Cause I gave up hope. You were never coming. But please don’t say sorry. You won the war. That’s more important than my messed up childhood.”

“but… how are you so… unfazed by this.”

“it’s been nearly 30 years. He’s dead, I cope.” Tony shrugs again.

“but you still…”

“Flinch? Yeah… after I got kidnapped it started again.”

“Kidnapped? Oh Afghanistan… I read your file.”

“No you didn’t. None of you did because that’s not the real file. A lot of hacking and spy work gave you all a good story.”

“What?” Steve asks confused

“You thought that’s all that happened but it wasn’t.”

“What happened?” Steve asks nervously

“”Torture… stuff much more graphic then you read. After that and my childhood. It’s not surprising. I’ll stop eventually. It took me like 15 years the first time. Maybe not so long the second.”

“15 years?” tony shrugs “And you’ve never told anyone?”

“I’m telling you.” Tony says it like it’s simple.

“yeah, I guess you are.” Steve shakes his head

“Howard was a different man during the war. And all that shit I gave you on him. God, I’m so sorry Tony.”

“You’re fine. Really don’t beat yourself up over it. I just didn’t want you to see him different because he was your friend.”

“You took what I threw at you, just so I could think of a terrible man, of how good he was to me?”

“I guess when you say it like that…”

“Thank you, but I wish you told me sooner.” Steve gives Tony a smile smile

“I didn’t know if I could trust you yet. I had to be sure.”

“And are you? Sure I mean.” Tony tilts his head and looks at Steve then smiles

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.


End file.
